Time out

Last weekend, I had a really lovely day relaxing with Sam at the end of our busy weeks. We went to Lane Cove national park for a walk, where Sam surprised me with an impromptu boat ride on the Lance Cove river.

Although I could hear Lady Game drive in the distance, floating on the river amongst the creeping greenery and still water was so peaceful. Even though the boat was old and rickety (and according to Sam, difficult to row, I had a go until we decided that my talents lay elsewhere), it added to the charm of the falling fronds, pale sunlight and crisp smell of wet soil. My only regret was that we hadn’t brought any breadcrumbs to feed the ducks with.

I think that it’s important to regularly take time out to do something that you enjoy. This may sound really obvious, but so many people fail to do it and wonder why they’re tired, irritable and stressed out.

For me, that would mean things like reading the Good Weekend at a café with a flat white and banana bread (not the low fat variety and no skim milk), going on really long walks with lots of scenery, shopping at the markets, painting on a massive piece of paper or canvas in my garden, watching a really good film, doing funk classes at the gym and having dinner at a pub with good friends.

I used to enjoy going to bars on the weekends when I was younger, but now I find that scene so tiresome, filled with pretentious people, uncomfortable furniture and overpriced cocktails. Maybe I’m boring, but give me a good book, decent conversation or a DVD with friends any day…

Do not worry

When I was young, I used to worry about all sorts of things.

Often, it was often because my imagination got the better of me. If a family member said they’d be home at 7pm and weren’t in the door by 7:15pm, I’d picture everything from horrific car accidents to abductions on the way home. If my mum had a migraine, it was because she had a brain tumor.

Although the scenarios are less extreme and I’ve extended my repertoire beyond freak accidents, I’m still a bit of a worrier today. Lately, my mind has been filled with niggling worries about all sorts of things, from insignificant details to ongoing concerns that are beyond my control.

I know I am supposed to trust God in all things. I think I do, or at least I try to in my actions. But how do I also submit my feelings to God when they seem even beyond my control? Is being a worrier just a personality trait, or am I disobeying God when he says “do not worry about your life?” in Matthew 6?

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?”

Matthew 6:25-27

choose-your-own-marriage

Nicole and Keith. Katie and Tom. Angelina and Brad. Vince and Jennifer.

As countries battle it out in the World Cup for fame and glory, it seems that gossip magazines a posing another battle of their own: who will be the first to tie the knot?

Despite the fuss made over lavish, million-dollar weddings and baby plans, I can’t help but wonder how long each marriage will last. These days it seems that young couples, not just celebs, are heading towards shorter marriages out of choice, not desperation. Here are some non-committal vows I recently discovered on the net in what I like to call ‘choose-your-own-adventure’ style weddings:

“I promise to be as loyal as long as our love lasts”
“I’ll be with you until our time together is over”
This one which sounds like some conjugal version of the Hippocratic oath - “I’ll love you for as long as our marriage shall serve the common good”.

As these lukewarm sentiments reveal, we just don’t believe in forever anymore. An article in Cleo magazine (source of all things sacred) from earlier this year says:

“[there is a] growing belief shared by many mere mortals, not just celebs, that all long term relationships – even the best ones – eventually run their course. This generation of women is more than capable of taking care of themselves, which removes that incentive to hang in there, “till death do us part”. Both men and women have so many choices these days, it almost seems a shame not to keep your options open.”

For the generation before us, “keeping your options open” caused many women to shun tradition altogether and opt not to get married at all. For today’s generation, the reaction seems to be the opposite. A wedding can often be treated as just another step in a relationship. Amongst the young, rich and famous, the latest accessory is an engagement ring followed by a quick party and an equally speedy divorce. The supposed beauty of it there’s no possibility of failing at a marriage, as the union never claimed to last forever in the first place.

The obvious question to me is: why get married in the first place? Living together is no longer a taboo in our society. Why not avoid the commitment of being husband and wife by not getting married at all?

Generation Y has copped a lot of criticism lately for their lack of rebellion, accused of caring more about a mortgage than the ideals that drove previous generations of young people. This is particularly true of young women who show any inclination towards marriage and childbearing as opposed to career and individualistic pursuits.

While these accusations are lop-sided (these days, it seems if you opt to stay at home with your kids you’re accused of having no ideals at all), they do highlight the schizophrenic tendencies of our generation. We desire the freedom to move around, yet want the security of an early mortgage and savings. We like to buck the system, yet depend on it to provide us with the life that we can enjoy. We want to say wedding vows, but we don’t want to live them out if it inconveniences our fast, hectic lives.

The result is often a curious blending of both, of wanting tradition, yet wanting tradition ‘my way’. Ours is the only generation with the audacity to change any standard in order to suit the way we like to live, and surely a prime example of this is standing up before others and making a promise to love someone “until you love them no more”.

Go Australia!

Go the Socceroos! They played well and it was a great game, though quite messy with a lot of cards being dealt out. It was definitely worth getting up so early.

I didn't end up shopping for a wedding dress yesterday. I only had a small window of opportunity between work and Bible study and didn't really account for the heavy traffic on the road.

However, Bible study was fantastic; I had such a great night. We're studying Ephesians as an escalating argument, a progressive outpouring that just gets more and more passionate and exciting. This is my favourite verse from last night:

And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him (Christ) to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way. (Ephesians 1:22)

I love that phrase, the church is the "fullness" of Christ. I love how we are tied in with the act of glorifying Christ as His body. It gives us so much to live for.

Leading was a great experience. It has been a while since I have led a study and I have never led a mixed group before (not because my old church was against it - I just always seemed to fall into women groups). Sam has been great with giving me both positive and constructive feedback, as well as helping me write the studies. At the moment, He is taking me through Growth Groups and we are reading Desiring God by John Piper, which I am really enjoying.

After years of being 'mentored' by my dad, it's nice to learn from my soon-to-be husband as well. They have very different styles and opinions, but they're both wise, committed to walking humbly with the Lord and wonderful teachers. I'm really blessed by God to have them both in my life:)

Shopping for a wedding dress

Tonight, I’m going shopping on King St to peruse for a wedding dress. There’s a shop which I like which sells really beautiful clothes (I think it’s called Sarah Jane, but when I googled the name it came up as a lingerie store, so maybe I’m wrong). If I find something I like, I might come back with my mum or girlfriends to get a second opinion.

I’m not very fussy about the details of our upcoming wedding, but I do love beautiful clothes and funky jewellery. When it comes to my wedding dress, I have some thoughts:

1. It must not look like a wedding dress. No meringues, tulle, ballgowns or yards of fabric. They just aren’t me. And no veil.
2. It must be white or cream.
3. It must not cost lots of money. Definitely in the hundreds. No thousand dollar wedding dress for me!

Finding a cheap dress is hard. I haven’t started looking yet, but bridal stores seem to start at $1,500 and go up in price. All I really want is a simple, white dress that suits me. There are a few options that people have suggested, including second hand shops, borrowing from a friend (this is hard when I don’t have any married friends), hiring something or just buying a nice designer gown. I had a look at Lisa Ho yesterday and spied some really nice white dresses, but they cost $2,000. Everything is so expensive!

My mum has offered to make my wedding dress for me. She has never made one before, but I think that this would be so special and wonderful. However, she is already making my jewellery and lots of other things, so I don’t want to stress her out. It's still early days and we’ll see. In the end, it’s just a dress;)

Getting married feels so overwhelming sometimes. I can see why a lot of girls go crazy with things like dresses. Perhaps it's to distract themselves from the huge step they're taking.

24 starts again

I'm devastated. Two of my favourite characters - Michelle Dresler and David "I stand for truth" Palmer - have been killed on 24. And it's only the first show for the season!

I think that year promises to be a good season. Although it is still unrevealed as to what the big threat is, we already know that both the chief adviser AND the head of CTU are working with the terrorists.

And Jack Bauer is still incredibly cool. I like this line:

"The only reason you're not unconscious is because I don't want to carry you."

Interview techniques

In my current job, I write about things I know very little about.

Last week I was at a factory inspecting forklifts. Yesterday, I was talking to a leading software company about RFID and barcoding technology. This morning, it was the light metals department at the CSIRO.

Asking as many questions as possible is the best way of getting through these interviews. Good ones are, “what do you see developing in the next 5-10 years?” or “what benefits will this bring?” Open ended questions mean that they talk for longer, which gives me more time to figure out: a) my next question and b) words to search on Google with afterwards.

If they’re talking about the latest automotive technology or metallurgy and it's pretty clear that my next question is going to have to demonstrate some sort of understanding, I generally pick one term they’ve mentioned and focus on that. “You mentioned the carbothermic reduction process earlier; that was a really interesting point (people love to be told that they’re making interesting points), can you elaborate on that?”

It’s also important to constantly make noises that give the impression that you’re deeply listening. Simple words like “right”, “okay” or even murmurs of agreement often do the job. However, it's crucial not to mentally drift away while the engineer is talking and start thinking about what to eat for dinner, no matter how boring the subject matter is. That can spell disaster, especially if said engineer suddenly decides to grind to a halt, leaving you to make a response.

Hmm...maybe it's time for a new job...

Stamp or be stamped

We are to make a stamp on the world, but is the world instead making its stamp on us?*

Amongst some of my friends and at work, women don’t get married before their late twenties or early thirties. If they do, they live together first, travel for at least a year, save until they can afford a house and put off motherhood until they’ve established a successful career.

I have done none of those things, so sometimes it’s difficult to talk about why I’m getting married, let alone why I’m marrying someone in Christian ministry. The conversation usually goes like this:

Them: What does your fiancé do?
Me: He’s training to be a minister.
Them: Oh, like a priest? (confused look - imagining vestry garments and wondering if we’re going to have a celibate relationship)

It's hard enough explaining to people why I'm marrying so young (at 23 I hardly think I'm a child bride, but that's what some people seem to think!). Explaining full-time ministry is even harder. Out of fear of being different, I’ve often tried to avoid the issue, or tried to dress Sam’s job and our prospects up in more palatable terms for the unbeliever. I’ve said things which I don't truly believe, like:

* “We’re not really sure what we’re going to do when he finishes his apprenticeship, it’s an open program and can lead to so many different places” i.e. We’re not that committed to this. It sounds extreme but we’re really quite normal
* “It’s the kind of job that you can travel with if you want – you can do mission work overseas or work in a church in another country” i.e. I can travel too, there’s no sacrifice for me in that area
* “Heaps of ministers have wives who are accountants/doctors/journalists” i.e. I can still be career driven and ‘successful’ like you.

I’ve always put it down to the fact that they won’t understand where I’m coming from, but if I’m really honest with myself, I am ashamed - not of my fiancé, but of Christ and the sacrifices that come with doing His work. I have no problems telling people about Jesus, but I shrink away when I am forced to declare any allegiance with him.

How hard is it to say the truth without watering it down? I have so little courage. It’s really hard sometimes to be different, but thank God for His power given to me, through whom I can do all things!

Do not be ashamed to testify about our Lord, or ashamed of me his prisoner. But join with me in the suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us – not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace.

2 Timothy 1:8

*This line was preached by AB at church tonight. We’re starting a series on Judges and so far it’s fantastic. I learnt that the Israelites – who were given land to “stamp” for God – turned to foreign gods and let the culture of Canaan stamp them instead. God judges them by making their conquests unsuccessful, but this ultimately to show His love by giving them a much needed wake up call. I’m looking forward to learning more…

Two movies on the weekend: I must be rich

I must be rich because I saw two movies on the weekend that I thought were worth a mention.

The first was Gabrielle, a French film directed by Patrice Chéreau and screened as part of the Sydney Film Festival.

The storyline was quite simple: Set in the early 1900s, Mr Hervey has been married to his wife Gabrielle for 10 years and comes home one day to discover a note saying that she has left him for another man. Later on that evening, a remorseful Gabrielle returns to the house, unable to go through with her plan. Hervey grudgingly accepts her back into the marriage, but their marriage continues to crumble as it becomes apparent that their image as an ideal couple hides an empty relationship.

On the surface, the film could be read as a typical ‘suffocating marriage drives woman to leave her husband and discover herself’ story in manner of Thelma and Louise (those movies irritate me).

Instead, Chéreau uses the camera in creative ways to explore the deeper issues in the couple’s relationship. He constantly intercuts the film with shots of servants bustling around the mansion, cooking food and dressing Gabrielle at her toilette - showing how materialism and routine has damaged their relationship. In one beautiful image, a floor filled with white, marble statues of naked women is combined with Jean saying, “I love my wife like a collector loves his most prized possession”, showing how he sees his wife as an object rather than a person.

In another example, when Hervey gives the audience a description of his wife and the happy life they live together, the colour of the film changes to black and white and is treated to have a grainy feel, like film footage from a past era. When cut next to more naturally coloured scenes, it has the effect of clouding Hervey’s narrative about his wife in nostalgia, as if it’s a fairytale he weaves for himself that is far removed from reality. As the story progresses, we see that in fact, Hervey left Gabrielle alone in the first few years of their marriage, causing her to develop deep seated depression and loneliness. He hardly knows his wife and she, despite being grateful to him for providing her with a home, does not love him. The ending takes an ironic twist as he realises that he can’t live in a marriage where Gabrielle does not love him. It made me sad to see a picture of marriage bereft of anything meaningful.


The second film I saw, far more commercial but just as quality, was X Men 3. I wasn’t expecting much from this movie, but I was pleasantly surprised to find that not only was it well directed (fighting mutants in cataclysmic battle always make for great special effects), but it had a really gripping storyline. Dr Jean Grey, the character who died in the previous movie, is the central focus, as she is resurrected with an interesting twist. Also, I recommend that people stay until the end, as there’s a little sneak preview after the credits finish rolling.

Althought they were two great films, at over $15 per ticket ($17 for the film festival) plus dinner, I don't think I'll be seeing any more movies in the cinema in the near future. Much cheaper to hire a DVD, or even buy one!

Making Christ known in a secular state

Whatever your religious beliefs, this is a secular state.

Julia Baird wrote this line as part of an article on the legalisation of civil unions, arguing a case for the recognition of same-sex relationships in our society by allowing homosexuals to marry.

This led to an interesting conversation on Craig’s blog about how a religious agenda should be dealt with in a secular state, particularly when the topic at hand is homosexuality – something which goes against Scripture, yet is widely accepted in secular society.

Craig made a great point:

Notice, though, what the state is not appointed to do. It is not appointed to preach the gospel. It is not appointed to make converts. It is not appointed to promote Christianity. It is not even appointed to enforce “Christian” behaviour – except in so far as such behaviour promotes good order and peace in society. It seems to me that this is the test that Christians must apply to new legislation. Not “will this legislation encourage non-Christians to behaviour like Christians” but “will this legislation promote order and peace in society.”

I agree. It seems strange to expect a secular government to adopt Christian values, considering that we are called to be aliens and strangers in this world. The role of governing bodies is not to further our own religious agenda but, as Craig says, “promote order and peace in our society”. We can’t expect non believers to dress up like Christians, even if it makes this temporary home on earth a more comfortable place for us and our sensibilities.

However, there is a bigger issue at hand. When we look at statements like “whatever your religious beliefs, this is secular state,” we need to look at the underlying meaning beneath them. The phrase is a loaded one that has been hurled at Christians before, effectively to demand that they keep their nose out of the State’s business and stick to the pulpit. This isn’t just restricted to politics, as I had a media lecturer at uni who once gave a talk entitled, “From Pulpit to Podium: Why Moral Posturing is Hindering Public Debate”. The implication is clear: we don’t mind if Christians give money to the needy or a religious address or two around Easter, but when it comes to serious issues in society, please butt out and mind your own business.

What saddens me is that Christians themselves buy into that line. Some of us retreat into the safety of the church, throwing our effort into Christian activities, yet too timid to make a sound in the public sphere. Although we can’t expect the government to simply bow to our demands with legislation, we are democratically entitled to voice our opinion. We need to take a hold of that right and not be afraid to vocalise a stance that may be unpopular in society (and in regards to the same sex issue, balance our stance on marriage with love and grace).

Others of us dig even deeper into the divide, sectioning off “Christian” issues that the church deals with from other matters that don’t directly impact our doctrine or beliefs. As Christians, we can be passionately vocal when it comes to issues such as abortion, same sex marriage and teaching Scripture at school, but deadly silent when refugees are being mistreated in our own detention centers, or our government evades the truth when it comes to the war in Iraq, or Aboriginal communities sitting on rich mining lands are living in squalor.

Although we can’t expect a secular society to promote our religious agenda, I think that part of our call to shine as stars in the universe for Christ is to reflect Christian values in all spheres of public debate. The Bible has so much on loving our neighbours, protecting the oppressed members of society and governing honestly – perhaps even more than it does on homosexuality. Remaining silent on these issues can give the unbalanced picture of our God as stringent when it comes to sex and terminating pregnancies, but lax in demonstrating love, compassion and justice for others.

“Will this legislation promote order and peace in society?” is a good question to ask, but one that Christians shy away from all too often.

Fitness First

Every Thursday night, I dance to funky music and practice moves called ‘Rockstar’ and ‘Stripper Dip*’ - not at a bar in the city, but with roomful of girls in sweatpants at my local Fitness First gym.

In one hour, I have a great time de-stressing and getting fit with hip-hop, jazz, salsa and even African tribal dance moves. The best part about it is that I can choose a time and location which suits my day. If I miss my Thursday night class, there’s always Monday straight after work, or Tuesday night at another Fitness First gym only 20 minutes away.

Maybe this is why the Fitness First formula works so well. A person can walk into the complex whenever they like and select whatever activity takes their fancy. Want to start with a cardio workout? Try the room near the entry, where you can choose from a large selection of channels to watch while exercising. Cycling? A simulation machine lets you decide which pace and terrain is suitable for you. Stretch class? Try the 6am class, or if that’s too early, catch a later one at 11:30am.

I think that the modern day gym is such a fitting picture of today's society. As a business, Fitness First has based their entire ethos around the ruling principle of choice and giving customers the ability to get exactly what they want. Likewise, we often meet together not to build any sense of community, but to fulfill our individual needs. Entertainment and leisure is doled out in individual cells, with people running on a travelator or lifting weights metres apart, yet not having any contact with each other. The only exception seems to be watching the World Cup - the only time when it is considered perfectly acceptable to hug the person next to you and share camaraderie with a stranger.

The future will come not through automobiles, speed and machinery as the Futurists thought, or on a digital wave of computer technology as predicted in the new millennium. Post modern life is emerging through a conglomeration of Starbucks coffees, McCafes, mega chain stores, home entertainment units and Fitness First gyms, where the ‘user-pay’ philosophy is in full force and convenience, individualism and the body beautiful reign supreme.

I just hope this kind of thinking doesn’t affect other areas of society, especially schools, universities, family life and the church.

*The Stripper Dip is a move that looks exactly what it sounds like. Something I’ve noticed is the infiltration of raunch culture in the gym, with pole dancing classes becoming the latest craze in the US as a great way to keep fit and belly dancing touted as a great way to flatten those abs. I was surprised when one night my instructor yelled at us to “make her want to give us dollars” to the tune of a Pussycat Dolls song. It was a once-off and completely shocked me, but I have to admit, when the classes aren't so provocative and in the context of a roomful of girls and my female gym buddy, I find the moves a lot of fun. I’m still in the process of working out whether I'm right to think this (or if it says anything terrible about me!). What do people think about the use of stripping moves for the sake of fitness?

My very own lappy

Today, Sam and I bought a new MacBook from Domayne. It's a sexy black colour and quite fast. This is good news for me because it means that I inherit his now old Powerbook!

I've never owned my own computer before, so I'm quite excited about the prospect of having my very own laptop which I don't have to share with anyone on a regular basis. Here are six things I'm really looking forward to being able to do on the lappy:

1. Post a lot more than just once a week in my own time, rather than sneakily posting at work during lunch or when our shared computer at home is free
2. Having my very own song library for my iPod
3. Taking my work home rather than staying back late
4. Writing more in my free time and trying to get some freelance work - something I've always wanted to do, but couldn't without my own computer.
5. Doing number 4 in a nice warm cafe during winter
6. Watching Buffy DVDs in bed on nights I can't fall asleep - I am a huge fan of the show and was given the entire box set as a rather generous Christmas present last year.

At the moment Sam is setting up the Mackie, as we have now christened her. I am steering clear of the whole process because I know nothing about technology (while the salesman at Domayne talked to Sam enthusiastically about .mac, I thought about how pretty the keys looked).

I like lists, so fill in time, I thought I'd write another one.

Six things I am looking forward to in 2006:

1. Marrying Sam in 2007. You know you're ready for marriage when you're perfectly comfortable having a conversation through the toilet door.
2. Making friends at my new church. Moving to my new home has so far been a great experience, and I'm really looking forward to the years to follow.
3. The U2 concert...if they ever come. I have tickets and I'm hoping that they won't come during our church mission at the end of the year.
4. Seeing my church's building plans start to take shape.
5. Spending heaps of time with my mum.
6. Summer again. It has been way too cold lately.

Duty vs Discipline

Before I started full time work, I had time to do everything - hang out with my friends, watch movies, go on long dates with Sam without worrying about being at home by 10pm.

I also had all the time in the world to read the Bible and pray. It was luxury to be able to ponder over every detail, pray for however long I wanted to and write down my thoughts at leisure.

These days, everything runs by a clock and that includes my time with God. The only problem is that as an unstructured person, I find this really difficult to do. Something inside me rebels against the idea of having a relationship dictated to me, in manner of setting aside 20 minutes each day to read, answer questions and offer up a bullet pointed list of prayers. Give me spontaneity any day! I want the freedom to read a book from start to finish, or spend an hour pouring over the first five verses of John. I like being able to choose between writing scattered letters of prayer to God or meditating deeply on a Psalm.

The only problem is that now I’m so busy, my chosen method for the past ten years doesn’t work.

Relying on ‘feeling’ like reading the Bible is problematic, as in my job I read and write all day, so the last thing I want to do when I get home is open yet another book. Similarly, when I try to let my mind wander across different thing to pray about, I find that I simply wander to what I’m going to eat for dinner tonight or the pile of working I have mounting for next week. My lack of discipline was never a problem in the past, but now that my time is limited, it means that nothing gets done and I don’t spend as much time with God I’d like.

Talking/listening to God and reflecting on his truths are more important than satisfying the whims of my personality, so lately I’ve been doing something that I vowed I would never do in the past - I’ve been using devotionals and bible studies to help me ‘regulate’ my time with God. Currently, I’m working through Search the Scripture by Alan Stibbs. It’s okay. Though I like the fact that it’s disciplining me to at least open the Bible everyday, I admit that I find the comprehension-like nature of the questions frustrating. I also miss having more room to breathe.

So that makes me wonder: in this busy world, can an unstructured person learn the discipline of having a regular time with God, but still maintain the flexibility and creativity that they enjoy in prayer and reading the Bible?

Can we be regular without being rigid?
Desciplined without the sense of duty?

The happiest day of my life?

I’m getting married in February, and if I believe everything that the movies and magazines tell me, it’s going to be the happiest, most fulfilling day of my life.

After winning tickets from the Mix 106.5 “Win a Dream Wedding” competition earlier this year, my fiancé Sam and I had our first taste of the wedding industry at the Sydney Bridal Expo. We were intrigued that most of the people on the stalls focused their attention on me, not on my neglected groom-to-be. From a marketing point of view, this makes sense, because it’s always the bride who is the centre of all the preparations. As the sayings go, ‘It’s her big day,’ ‘You only get to do it once’ and ‘it’s all about the bride’. We seem to accept that it’s only natural for a woman to want to have the perfect day. Deliberating over the colour of her dress (cream, off-white, white or ivory?), agonising over whether the floral arrangement perfectly matches the bridesmaids, bursting into tears over minute details – things that in normal life would be unacceptable behaviour – are often excused, even expected.

Only for weddings are people prepared to spend weeks searching for the right sized metal bucket to fill with rose-coloured potpourri (actually, the more likely scenario is asking their bridesmaids to spend weeks searching for the much needed item). According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, people spend an average of $28,000 on the big day. Weddings are a huge business. At the expo, I was amazed to see stall after stall of services offering everything from themed reception venues to bouquets of rare flowers and even white doves to release at the ceremony – all at exorbitant prices.

Although marriage is a wonderful gift and a wedding should be a special occasion, there is a fine line between heart-felt celebration and making the wedding an all consuming goal.

Women learn at a young age to believe that the big day is all about fulfilling their desires. When we're children, it’s taught through fairytales that end with marrying Prince Charming and living happily ever after. As we grow older, it manifests itself in elaborately staged events and beautiful dresses. The big day is held as the single most important event in a woman’s life, and somehow, this mindset seeps through the cracks of Christian thinking. While we are usually vigilant in saying ‘no’ to the world when it demands selfishness and materialism, a wedding is one area where Christians let their guard down and allow worldly thinking to infiltrate their own behaviour – all in a flurry of dress shopping, kitchen teas and floral bouquets. We forget that when we give up our lives for Christ, we also surrender our long held aspirations and fantasies, including the dream of the ‘perfect’ wedding.

Maybe what we need is to change our perception and respond to God’s call to be counter-cultural. Our society drums into us that weddings are all about making the bride (and perhaps the groom) happy. However, if we truly belong to Christ, what is it that ultimately makes us happy?

The Christian life is marked by service, not as a duty to be carried out, but as a joyful act that brings pleasure to God and His people. Put in the context of a wedding, this should transform what we aspire to. It’s no longer about the pursuit of the perfect reception or the ideal dress, but a celebration that is marked by selflessness, love and heart-felt joy. It’s not about focusing on ourselves, but instead thinking of other people. It’s about embarking on married life together in joyful, unrelenting praise to God and overwhelming love for others.

The way we spend our money, the demands we make on our friends and our attitude towards reception details can all be done in a way that builds other people up. This means caring for others in the little things. Sam always tells me that no one will remember the colour of the flowers at the ceremony, but everyone will definitely remember if I make a big fuss about them. People are willing to help ease the burden of preparing a wedding, but no one likes being taken advantage of.

There are many ways a couple can serve others in the lead-up to a wedding. Let the bridesmaids choose their dress and contribute to the cost so they don’t have to fork out $400 for a designer gown they’ll never wear again. Settle for simple invitations rather than insisting that friends take time out of their weekend to help sprinkle glitter on pieces of paper. Give way to your mother-in-law when she insists that pink roses, not purple orchids, be placed up the front in the ceremony. Borrow a nice car from a friend instead of hiring a vintage model and give the money you save to those in need. When with friends, don’t take up every conversation with an update on how wedding preparations are going.

Although they say, “it’s her big day”, “it’s all about the bride” and “you only get to do it once”, I hope our wedding and the lead-up to it will show a different mindset. And rather than just “doing it once”, I hope that we, by God’s grace, continue to show that mindset for the rest of our lives.

(P.S. thanks to Sam for co-writing this article!)